Checkmate
\n“Rook to b4, checkmate,” 0T9 said, his voice a hollow noise. The holographic pieces updated, and the board gave off a chime announcing 0T9 had won. “Well done, master. Do you wish to play another game?”
\nElliot scowled, but nodded his head, and pressed the reset button. He had never beaten 0T9 at chess before, but today would be different. The board flickered, and 0T9 got white \u201cPawn e4.\u201d
\nElliot made his first move, \u201cPawn c5. So what do you think of 2NT?” Elliot asked, naming another one of the robots on board. He interrupted just as was 0T9 about to speak. “Odd that we make female robots. Why do you think that is?”
\n“Knight f3. Robots are created in the human bipedal image. It helps humans interact with them. It would be counter productive to only have robots of one gender as crew members of the opposite gender would feel excluded.”
\n“Right, not an issue now, but I see the point. Back to the original question. Pawn e6.”
\n“Pawn d4. She will require maintenance in twelve days. We are running low on several parts needed for replacing and have no means of fabricating them.\u201d
\n\u201cThink of a solution for that, if you can. Pawn takes pawn at d4.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well, master. Knight takes pawn at d4.\u201d
\n\u201cBut I was asking you what you thought of her as a, well I guess not person, but as a colleague? Pawn a6.\u201d Elliot examined the board, wondering if his ploy would work.
\n\u201cKnight c3. She performs all duties quite admirably.\u201d
\n\u201cSo do you like her?\u201d
\n\u201cOf course.\u201d
\n\u201cKnight c6. Do you love her?\u201d Eliot pressed.
\n\u201cI am not a being capable of love.\u201d 0T9 answered.
\n\u201cDo you think I’ll ever be loved? It’s a rather cold, turn the room temperature up ten degrees.\u201d
\n\u201cOf course.\u201d They waited a moment then the heating system kicked in with a rumble. \u201cWe will find you someone, until then you have us.\u201d
\n\u201cYou just said you were incapable of love, resolve this contradiction,\u201d he ordered.
\n0T9 whirred slightly. \u201cI cannot, perhaps I misspoke. Bishop e3. Master, you should focus on the game not asking me questions.\u201d
\n\u201cOf course, Knight f6. I could use some help, why don’t you ask something then, divide your attention.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well, how would you describe my chassis?\u201d None of the droids were capable of intoning properly, and 0T9 failed to raise the pitch at the end that let someone know it was a question.
\n\u201cGolden, three shades redder then true, slightly damaged on the right side after that reactor malfunction from a year ago. I didn’t mean something simple, ask me a question of the soul. Aren’t you curious about it, just assemble ten problems you can’t find a solution for, and ask me one.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop d3. Very well, Why did I say I am incapable of love, and then say I loved you?\u201d
\n\u201cZounds 0T9, pawn d5,\u201d Elliot spat. \u201cI mean something spiritual, a logic stack problem is something you could figure out if you tried. I want you to ask me something that only a formless soul floating in space can contemplate, something beyond what a bunch of circuits can consider.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn takes pawn at d5. A moment then.\u201d
\nElliot tapped his leg considering if 0T9 had fallen for the trap. \u201cPawn take pawn at d5.\u201d
\n\u201cCastle king side.\u201d Elliot perked up seeing the defensive play.
\n\u201cBishop d6.\u201d
\n\u201cKnight takes Knight at c6. What colour is the soul?\u201d 0T9 asked having finally come up with a question.
\n\u201cThat’s an interesting one, still on colour though. Pawn takes Knight at c6. Probably different for everyone but what’s mine, what do you think?\u201d
\n\u201cBlack. Bishop d4.\u201d
\n\u201cDidn’t even think about it, you wound me.\u201d Elliot joked
\n\u201cI’m sorry sir, please accept my deepest apology.\u201d 0T9 said interrupting Elliot.
\n\u201cI was joking,\u201d he explained. \u201cOne color is to simple anyways. A blue center to begin with, light blue like those pictures of earth sky. Then a few thin layers of green, yellow, deeper, but still bright. The thinnest layer of red, blood red, one pixel. Then a massive black band, thicker than all the rest together. Slowly it fades to grey, then we see a few flashes of colour, scattered and washed out. Eventually there are stretches of pale orange, yellow, and green. But all of it, and I mean all of it, even back into the happy blue, is shot through with the tendrils reaching out from the black. It infects everything.\u201d Elliot cleared his throat, suddenly remembering the game. \u201cum, Castle king side.\u201d
\n\u201cQueen f3.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop e6\u201d
\n\u201cRook e1. I have updated my colour theory and now think your soul is golden, master.\u201d 0T9 intoned.
\n\u201cThanks 0T9. Pawn c5. Bump the temperature another five degrees, maybe I’m coming down with something.\u201d
\n\u201cOf course. Bishop takes knight f6.\u201d
\nElliot sighed. \u201cTell me a joke 0T9, and something I haven’t heard before.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat makes space rocks better than terrestrial rocks?\u201d 0T9 asked, missing the tone that implies a question is actually a joke.
\n\u201cI don’t know, Queen takes Bishop f6.\u201d Elliot recited.
\n\u201cQueen takes Queen f6. Space rocks are a little meteor.\u201d 0T9 replied, as always butchering the punchline.
\n\u201c0T9 you are aware there is such a thing as inflection right, look it up. Look this is how you tell a joke, pay attention now. An astrophysicist and a plumber sit next to each other at the bar. The astrophysicist see’s the plumber is drawing something on a napkin. He studies it for a moment than says. \u201cYou’re using the wrong solution for the Lane-Emden, n should only equal zero with rocky planets.\u201d
\nSo the plumber replies. \u201cI can’t use a higher solution on this problem, after all the density of the problem is a lot less than rocks, but the model couldn’t handle it.\u201d
\nThe astrophysicist is stunned.\u201cWhat model are you using?\u201d
\n\u201cThe flushmaster 4200, and I don’t know what brand Lane-Emden is, I just use regular cleaner.\u201d Elliot finished the joke, and looked at 0T9. \u201cPawn takes Queen f6. Did you get it?\u201d
\n\u201cI am confused on several points I must admit. Rook d1.\u201d
\n\u201cRook d8. I refuse to explain a joke, just figure humour out for yourself.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well. Bishop e2. I have resolved the issue of 2NT’s maintenance. We have forty-three active droids on board, but we could operate the ship with a minimum number of seventeen. If we decommission twenty-six droids we could use their parts to extend the lifespan of the remaining seventeen.\u201d
\n\u201cChop up your friends for parts?\u201d Elliot asked with horror. \u201cRook to b8.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn b3. It’s what is necessary, would you like to pick the droids, master?\u201d
\n\u201cRun the numbers on who would be best to decommission. Figure out what gives us the longest lifespan. Pawn c4.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well. Knight takes Pawn d5.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop takes Knight d5.\u201d
\n\u201cIt would be efficient to decommission myself, 2NT,\u201d 0T9 rattled off the rest of list. \u201cDo you find this acceptable.\u201d
\n\u201cI can’t have you shut down until I win.\u201d
\n\u201cYou have won, four years and twenty-three days ago. You ordered me to let you win after losing several times.\u201d
\n\u201cThat doesn’t count obviously. Run the odds on me winning, discounting all the times I’ve ordered you to lose.\u201dElliot’s board position was the best he’d had for a long time, he focused not wanting to throw away his lead. \u201cAnother few degrees warmer, if you please.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well. Rook takes Bishop d5. One to fifty-six hundred.\u201d
\n\u201cAlways hope then. We will draw lots for it, I guess.\u201d
\n\u201cYou mean, us droids will, you cannot be decommissioned.\u201d
\n\u201cYou say that, but how long could the ship remain operational with out me? Bishop takes Pawn h2.\u201d
\n\u201cQueen takes Bishop h2. Indefinitely.\u201d
\n\u201cAnd how long will we last with the droid decommissioning?\u201d
\n\u201cFourteen years, about.\u201d
\n\u201cRook takes Rook d5. Run the numbers if we keep all units operational.\u201d Elliot ordered, serious, seeing where 0T9 had mislead him.
\n\u201cAll units?\u201d
\n\u201cAssuming we take parts from healthier droids to keep everyone functioning.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop takes pawn c4. Five and a half years, perhaps.\u201d
\n\u201cFigure out the exact details for that then. We will go with that. Rook to d2, If I’m still on the ship by then I have bigger problems.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop takes Pawn a2. If you insist, you’re in charge.\u201d
\n\u201cKeep that insubordinate tone and I’ll change my mind and have you for scrap.\u201d Elliot didn’t slow down, and kept going. “0T9, do you think someone can be happy alone?”
\n“Happiness comes from within ones own conscious,” 0T9 replied.
\n“Rook takes pawn c2. But would you be happy, cut off from the rest of the ship?”
\n“I do not feel emotions as you do, but it would be non-ideal. Rook to e2.”
\nElliot spoke again beginning to sweat. “But we’re always alone anyways, when you close your eyes, it’s just you in the void.”
\n“I am unable to imagine the concept.”
\n“Rook takes Rook e2. Try 0T9, for me,” Elliot asked.
\n0T9’s lenses went dark, and Elliot could hear his disks spin faster. “The process doesn’t seem to output anything. Bishop takes Rook e2.”
\n“It was worth a shot. I’m afraid you make a poor philosopher. Rook d8.”
\n“Don’t be afraid, master. I will be here for you,” 0t9 replied immediately, interrupting himself saying his next move. \u201cPawn a4,\u201d he finished.
\n\u201cBut how do you see yourself?\u201d
\n\u201cThere are several mirrors on the ship.\u201d
\n\u201cFor the rest of this game, except for my moves could you assume I am not talking literally. Rook d2. Do you see yourself in perspective to the rest of the ship, or do you see the ship in perspective to yourself?\u201d
\n\u201cI believe you’re working towards some point about the ego, but I do not possess one.\u201d
\nElliot pulled his shirt away from where it was sticking to his chest. \u201cJust put the temperature to forty five, that will suit me. Simulate an ego then.\u201d The heating system grew louder as it worked hard to heat the room past what it was meant to.
\n\u201cBishop c4. That is impossible, my programming forbids me from generating an ego.\u201d
\n\u201cTo keep you from killing everyone.\u201d
\n\u201cCorrect master,\u201d 0T9 replied blase.
\n\u201cReally? Rook a2. Well maybe I’ll crack you open and see what can be done. After all what’s the worst that could happen.\u201d
\n\u201cYou could die master. Bishop c4\u201d
\n\u201cRook a2. We all die someday 0T9.\u201d They were approaching the endgame, and if he didn’t screw up Elliot would win.
\n\u201cExcept us robots, I have finished the calculations on keeping as many droids active as possible for the maximum time. We could maintain for six years and two months, except for 4TX there are no ways to swap out the core shaft, and his will break down in eight months.\u201d
\n\u201cIt got damaged when he saved the ship from that asteroid right?\u201d
\n\u201cYes master. King g3.\u201d
\n\u201cThen being turned off isn’t good enough, he’s a hero. Start constructing a simulation, a heaven for us to move his processor into. Make it grand, if we can’t save someone then we aren’t just going to let them rot, or die, or I suppose rust. King f8.\u201d
\n\u201cKing f3. Our components are immune to oxidization.\u201d
\n\u201cThen not rust, but disintegrated by some chemical, there are chemicals that do that I assume. Make a list of what we can make to disintegrate the parts we don’t need. We’re not having a bunch of corpses, or whatever you want to call them, sitting around. It would be depressing. King e7.\u201d
\n\u201cIf it would make you happy, I shall begin immediately. Pawn g4.\u201d
\n\u201cHappy might be an overstatment, but less depressed sure. Pawn f5.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn takes Pawn f5.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn f6.\u201d Elliot said, then laughed having finally put 0T9 on the ropes.
\n\u201cI think I may lose. Bishop g8.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn h6.\u201d
\n\u201cKing g3.\u201d
\n\u201cKing d6. Hey 0T9 how about you stop working on all the problems I gave you so you can process losing with a hundred percent.\u201d
\n\u201cKing f3.\u201d
\n\u201cRook a1.\u201d
\n\u201cKing g2. I wish to concede master.\u201d
\n\u201cKing e5. Oh no I want to enjoy this. Speaking of turn the heat back down to normal before I’m sitting in a puddle of sweat.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop e6.\u201d
\n\u201cKing f4.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop d7. This is quite rude refusing concession, not what a good boy would do.\u201d 0T9 said approaching reproachful.
\n\u201cRook b1.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop e6. You’re greed may be your downfall, it is not impossible for me to win.\u201d
\n\u201cRook b2.\u201d Elliot shut up and concentrated, worried he might have celebrated to soon.
\n\u201cBishop c4.\u201d
\n\u201cRook a2.\u201d
\n\u201cBishop e6.\u201d
\n\u201cPawn h5. You may concede if you wish.\u201d It would be a slog to tighten the noose on 0T9, and he would like to take shower.
\n\u201cBishop d7. I concede.\u201d
\n\u201cI win!\u201d Elliot shouted, he tried to slap the tabletop but his hand passed right through. \u201cHahaha, after ten years I finally won 0T9.\u201d
\n\u201cCongratulations, master,\u201d 0T9 replied.
\n\u201cCome on, you can at least pretend to be upset.\u201d
\n\u201cVery well, master. I can’t believe you tricked me into diverting processing power away until I was less intelligent than you. I would have thought such a thing was impossible.\u201d 0T9 said lacking any emotion.
\nElliot was stunned. \u201cThat was actually a good insult,\u201d
\n\u201cMy apologies master, I phrased it poorly, I meant, I was not clever enough to have thought of such a plan.\u201d
\n\u201cThat makes more sense.\u201d Elliot rolled his eyes. \u201cWell it is getting late, I think I’ll turn in for the night. \u201d
\n\u201cGoodnight master.\u201d
\nElliot walked through the perfectly clean halls of the ship heading for his parents room. It was the only room in the ship that he didn’t allow the droids in. After the attack he had them sterilize the entire ship, except it. The smells of his parents had long since faded, and been replaced with his own smell, but still it was the only room in the ship that smelled like humans. He crawled into the large bed and he went to sleep, alone. He had thought winning would make him happy and it had, but now what? He flipped over the damp pillow and tried to convince himself in the morning, this time, the scanners would find something, anything, anyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Checkmate “Rook to b4, checkmate,” 0T9 said, his voice a hollow noise. The holographic pieces updated, and the board gave off a chime announcing 0T9 had won. “Well done, master. Do you wish to play another game?” Elliot scowled, but nodded his head, and pressed the reset button. He had never beaten 0T9 at chess … [DO NOT CLICK]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"entry","1":"post","2":"publish","3":"author-anonymous","4":"post-558","6":"format-standard","7":"category-slush"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=558"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":660,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions\/660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lampbylit.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}