PSEUDÆ: An Introduction

by Brecker Lee Brecker PARKER HOUSE ROLL PRESS COPYRIGHT©2150 PARKER HOUSE ROLL PRESS IS A SUBSIDIARY  OF  &AMP  MEDIA INC. AND SERVES AS THE PUBLICATION DIVISION FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF /LIT/ FACULTY OF HUMANITIES. PARKER HOUSE ROLL PRESS IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF &AMP MEDIA INC. EDITORIAL MATTER 2150© BRECKER LEE BRECKER NO PART OF … [DO NOT CLICK]

On the Unlikely Beauty of Commieblocks

by Anonymous A taste for brutalism is not unusual, nor is the commodified, sugarcoated “depressing” aesthetic so common in recently emerged doomer posers. some soulless utilitarian will praise those buildings as Solution For Homelessness without a hint of satire. but there’s yet another type of liking one can have for the pitiful dwelling boxes – … [DO NOT CLICK]

Happyhoots

by Anonymous Kasper came through through the patio door on the ground level apartment. Duffy and his significant other Kate occupied that place for the time being. Month to month was the best they could do on the bi-weekly payments from their deadend jobs. Duffy was alone in the two bedroom apartment when Kasper came … [DO NOT CLICK]

The Iowa Cock-ass 2016, 2020, and Beyond

by Anonymous (7:01PM 2/5/2016 listening to Type O Negative’s “Bloody Kisses”) On the day of the 2016 Iowa Cockass, I was literally shitting blood. The day before I was driving back from Chicago after seeing Defeated Sanity. On the drive my staying awake food was half a bag of cheese curds and a bag of … [DO NOT CLICK]

Your Judgment is Worthless

by Anonymous Why do bad things happen to good people? It’s a funny thing to say when you spill your drink, but some people legitimately ask. Fallibility of the question itself aside, I say, that if bad things didn’t happen to good people, they wouldn’t be good people, just people. Let me explain. Only true … [DO NOT CLICK]

6 Thoughts

by Anonymous A pill that eliminates the need for sleep – I’m not talking about meth. I’m talking about a pill or a treatment that alters your DNA so that the need for sleep is just eliminated. You might feel a little tired, but then you can sit in a recliner and read a book … [DO NOT CLICK]

(Untitled)

In order to be able to fully comprehend the nature of post-modernism, one must, first and foremost, understand the cultural tendencies behind its genesis. Appeal to meta, inter- and pantextualism, avid usage of (post-)irony and reminiscence, conceptualisation of space and other structural devices which Post-Modernism is notorious for, though important, still remain optional and far … [DO NOT CLICK]

An Unfair Contract

by Anonymous A crimewave floods the city, fills it to the edges. So many, oh so many non-payers these days. The seizure-man, or seizer, as his lot are called, S. Kazinsky could be considered just another hardworking salary man in these dark times. He works for a powerful cryptomagnate called Moroz. Cold as winter night … [DO NOT CLICK]

For They are the Ones Who Do the Research

by Anonymous I was offshore when I realized the industry was beyond any foreseeable recovery. We were part of a workover project in Angola, requiring 12 hour shifts on different offshore production platforms. One slickline crew would replace gas lift valves, while me and my coworkers would log for hydrocarbon saturation. The main offshore platform … [DO NOT CLICK]

The Patterson Footage

by Anonymous The Patterson footage was shot October 20th 1967. It features a large furry animal walking upright through Bluff Creek, near Yakima, Washington. The animal looks like Bigfoot. The men who shot the footage insisted it was Bigfoot, never recanting their story. Predictably, the film has been called a fraud. Numerous experts have assessed … [DO NOT CLICK]